15th Century Astronomer Demoted After Meeting Kerfuffle Around North Star Goals

Earlier this week, new hire Nicolaus Copernicus was excited to join a weekly touch-base meeting in his SF-based space tech startup. But Copernicus left the meeting stunned and speechless after a tense discussion of the company’s so-called “North Star” goals.

Prepared with talking points about a heliocentric theory, Copernicus grew silent when the meeting began with an agenda on Q3 marketing strategy. 

Copernicus felt the meeting go downhill quickly when attendees began pulling out 14-inch Macbook Pros, whereas Copernicus reached for his Triquetrum, an ancient astronomical instrument used for measuring angles and determining the position of celestial objects.

When the company’s VP of Product stated, “‘Ease of Use and Stylish Design’ has always been our North Star,” Copernicus quickly objected.   

Copernicus disagreed with the VP,  saying “Our North Star has always been the star that appears almost directly above the Earth's rotational axis.”

“Any astronomer with a brain knows this to be true,” Copernicus continued, prompting an argument between himself and executive leadership in the room.

At this point, the meeting organizers decided to postpone the discussion until Copernicus could be fully onboarded and ramped. 

Sources shared concerns over Copernicus’ qualifications and fitness for the role. When asked about this, the company’s CEO said “Copernicus survived the Thirteen Years War in the Baltic Sea” and, thus, “clearly would be a good addition to the team.”

The meeting concluded with little progress on the Q3 Marketing strategy but it was decided the company’s intern would be responsible for showing Copernicus how to use Google Slides. 

Laura Condy is a Customer Experience Professional and former comedian based in Southern California. You can find her on Linkedin and AllUP.